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If you’re in London and still going to McDonald’s for your burger fix, you’re doing it wrong.

In fact it’s a sin. That’s like going to Las Vegas and playing the penny falls arcade game (is this just a British seaside thing?).

London must be home to some of the very best burgers *clears throat for best Jeremy Clarkson impression*, in the world. It is home to National Burger Day and Festival after all.

‘Best’ can mean a variety of things when it comes to burgers – it’s totally subjective. Speaking to other BurgerBitches (inspired by Cumberbitches (suggestions for a better name in the comments below please)) there doesn’t seem to be a clear favourite. BurgerBitches (the names growing on me actually) also have difficulty in picking just one when I ask them about the best burger in London. ‘Oh I love so and so. But you can’t beat and X from Y. Then there’s…’

It just goes to show just the number of quality burgers being served in the city.

For me, I share the same values as Calvin Harris and his views on girls – I like all types.

I like them juicy burgers. I like them fat burgers. I like them unique burgers. I like them messy burgers. I like them too-big-to-fit-in-my-mouth burgers.

Oh I feel a viral Youtube video coming on.

With so many burgers to choose from, it can be difficult to know where to start. Don’t worry, help is at hand. Whether you’re visiting London on a holiday, a burger virgin or looking for a new favourite burger, I can steer you to burger heaven.

Like I said, the best burger is subjective. So I’ve created, DRUM ROLL PLEASE!!!

The BAFTAs! Burgers Are Fucking Tasty Awards!

The votes are in (all from me and past burger reviews) It’s the final countdown. This blog post will be updated as I continue my burger quest to visit every restaurant, shop, joint, pop-up, chain, pub, bar and truck. Until I consume one too patties and keel over one day. What a way to go.

Here are my best places to have a burger in London!

The best biggest burger in London goes to… Greedy Burger by Burger Bear!

Greedy Burger, Burger Bear
Greedy Burger by Burger Bear, The Magic Roundabout, Old Street, Shoreditch

It’s the most expensive burger I’ve had in London at £13, but you get a lot for it. It’s worth every penny too.

You need a snake’s dislocating jaw to fit the Grizzy Burger in your mouth, it’s that big. They serve it in a polystyrene container with a lid – the lid is just for show. You’re not going to be able to close it.

It’s so huge, I had to nibble my way around it. I felt like a Borrower. Two 5oz patties mean it feels like a workout just lifting the burger to your mouth. Gotta work of those Bacon Jam calories somehow. That’s right, a jam for bacon. (Burger Bear Review)

The juiciest burger in London goes to… Butcher’s Cut Burger by Brgr.Co!

Whether you love or hate the feeling of burger juices running down your hands (and arms if it’s a really juicy burger), it’s worth it as it’s the stamp of a well cooked burger. It’s no coincidence they serve the Butcher’s Cut in a drip tray. There would have been a lot more burger juices but the bun soaked some up like a sponge – and held firm to the end. The Army of all burger buns.

It must be something to do with their patties coming from the Scottish Black Angus cow. Proper burger aficionados looking for the best burger patty in London cannot do better than Brgr.Co. (Brgr.Co Review)

The messiest burger in London goes to… Stax Insanity Burger by Stax Diner!

Insanity Burger - Stax Diner, Kingly Court, London
Insanity Burger by Stax Diner, Kingly Court, Canarby Street, Soho

This diner isn’t called Stax for nothing. Don’t even try to tackle the burger with your hands. If you do, grab a napkin or ten in preparation of the mess that’s inevitably going to happen.

That toothpick made for a giant (even a giant would find this burger a hand (and mouth) full) holds the structure in place. Pulling the pin is like taking a structural pillar away and hoping the ceiling doesn’t collapse. (Stax Diner Review)

The best value for money burger in London goes to… Gourmet Sliders by ATE Street Food!

Sliders, Ate Street Food
ATE Street Food Gourmet Sliders, pop up truck

Okay, so I might be slightly cheating here. It depends on your definition of a burger. Do sliders count as burgers? I’m going to count them.

They say good things come in threes and ATE Street Food’s gourmet mini burgers sliders are proof. Choose three from a variety for £7. Just think, some burgers cost that or more for one and you’re getting to try three! It’s a deal. It’s a steal. It’s the sale of the…

They also have the best burger/street food van you’re likely to ever lay eyes on. (ATE Street Food Review)

Ate Street Food van
That’s right, this van is their kitchen!

The best surprise burger in London goes to… Bacon Cheeseburger by Bleecker St.!

Bacon cheeseburger - Bleecker St. Burger
Bacon cheeseburger by Bleecker St., pop up van and Old Spitalfields Market, Shoreditch

‘Burgers medium rare unless requested otherwise’.

I like my steak well cooked, but decided to take a chance and trust Bleecker St.

Who am I to argue?! Bleecker St. obviously know how to get the best out of their aged patties. I realise I’ve lived a sheltered burger life up until now having only known well done patties. Rare adds a ton more texture and flavour together with their American cheese. (Bleecker St. Review)

The best WTF burger in London goes to… Scotch Ness Monster by Yeah! Burger!

Even Heston Blumenthal wouldn’t create such a Frankenstein of a burger. All he could come up with was the perfect cheeseburger. Pfft. Try harder next time Hest.

Replacing regular burger buns with scotch eggs shouldn’t work. It’s a rare example of a science experiment gone right, like Lisa from Weird Science…

What’s not to love. Meat on top of meat with a boiled egg sandwiched in the middle. While the scotch egg may be the face of the film poster, the pickled onions and aged beef are definitely shoo-ins for best supporting cast.

The best pulled pork burger in London goes to… 24 Hour Pulled Pork Burger by Dixie Union!

You actually taste each of the 24 hours that went into cooking the pulled pork. While others proudly display half the hours, there’s simply no substitute for a pulled pork burger (whose popularity have exploded in recent years) than Dixie Union’s.

Nothing worse than dry pulled pork – what a waste. Dixie Union slap on a healthy amount of Bone Sucking BBQ Sauce on their tender melt-in-your-mouth-eyes-roll-into-the-back-of-your-head pulled pork so there’s no chance of that. (Dixie Union review)

The best burger diner in London goes to… Ed’s Easy Diner!

Gel your hair into a quiff, practice your fake American accent and get ready to do the Twist and Shout to The King!

Ed’s Easy Diner takes it’s inspiration straight from the American diners from the 60’s and 70’s. With chrome fittings, hot red coloured booths and little jukeboxes which actually work, it’s the closest you’ll come to an American diner without booking a flight across the Atlantic.

The best burger and fries combo in London goes to… Special Burger and Rosemary Fries by Honest Burger!

There was no questions who the best burger and fries award should go to. The judges (me, me and me) unanimously voted for Honest Burger’s delicious combo.

Just like peanut and butter, sun and sunglasses and, err… Ant and Dec, you can’t have one without the other. The Special Burger really is special – a great all rounder. A juicy patty, a little bit spicy, an onion ring which remains crispy and fluffy buns.

Honest Burger’s homemade rosemary fries must be the only fries which don’t require an accompanying condiment (although their Bacon Ketchup is great) – they’re that good. Each fry unique in varying size, crunchiness and fluffiness.

All that pleasure for £11.50 too. (Honest Burger Review)

The best burger and milkshake in London goes to… Louisiana Burger and Nutella and Oreo Milkshake by Hache!

With a distinctly continental twist to their burgers, Hache have earned the right to call themselves burger connoisseurs. Taking inspiration from European countries like Italy and Spain to further afield with Mexico and Canada. The American peanut butter Louisiana burger is ridiculously melt in your mouth chewy like a deep fried Mars bar – without the calories and guilt.

Milkshakes are getting evermore weird and wonderful. Hache have a simple idea. Take two favourites from the snack world (Nutella and Oreos) and blend them together for pure unadulterated chocolate satisfaction. The most legal fun you can have in public. The potato wedges aren’t bad either. (Hache Review)

BurgerBitches Burger club

BurgerBitches unite! Tell me in the comments section what burgers you would award for the categories above (trolls need not apply).

The first rule of Burger Club is: you can talk about burgers until the cows come home (what else are we going to talk about, the best vegetarian restaurant in London?). Imagine that, a burger food fight. The only time I’de be happy to be hit in the face – I’d just keep my mouth open.

If anyone wants to me in my burger gang, we can all buy gold burger rings! If you have a spare £130 that is… It’s a locket ring so you can have a picture of your favourite burger in there! Scratch that. I’m saving this idea for the day I propose to the future Mrs Chow (who will be a Burgerbitch also). And they say shivery is dead.

We can arrive in style in a burger car, the future Mrs Chow will look good enough to eat in a burger wedding dress and we can cut into a burger wedding cake.

Wait, what were we talking about again? Was this post about my burger wedding fantasy?

Timothy ChowLondon Food ReviewsBurgersIf you're in London and still going to McDonald's for your burger fix, you're doing it wrong. In fact it's a sin. That's like going to Las Vegas and playing the penny falls arcade game (is this just a British seaside thing?). London must be home to some of the very best...A travel blog featuring interviews and guest posts about destinations around the world. Why not have your say and write for us?

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